Medically Speaking

I’ve had a messed up year since June of 2013, medically speaking.  Quick recap, for those of you who haven’t checked out my original blog:

  • I had double pink eye/strep throat for my wedding/honeymoon.  Started out as normal pink eye, didn’t get it treated because I thought it was allergies, then it spread to my throat, causing strep.  Then, because the ER gave me the wrong meds, it spread to the other eye and my eyes started growing their own mucus membranes to try to contain the infection, so I was actually infectious for over a month and had to wear an eye patch to do homework. 
  • I chemically burned my lady parts.  This one is admittedly my fault, but still bizarre and medical.  After a decade (not even joking) of using Nair to de-fuzz my lower regions, I suddenly had a bad reaction and chemically burned my vagina.  Never have I ever been so afraid to pee.  That took a good two weeks of meds and painkillers to calm down, not to mention the fact that when you have a burned vagina, all you can think about is your BURNED VAGINA!  Seriously….
  • And now, I have Mono for the second time.  You know, mono, that one disease you’re only supposed to be able to get once?!?  Yeah, this is my second time having it.  Please, don’t bump into me, I can literally feel my spleen waiting to rupture. 

And those bullet points don’t even cover the issues I’m having with my stomach because no, we still have no idea what is going on with that, and the diagnosis has been delayed because of the mono.  Thanks, mono.  I feel odd referring to mono as something sentient, because technically it isn’t even alive, it is a virus.  I can’t even take meds to make it go away.  I can just take meds to make me more comfortable.  Ironically, those meds also make me lethargic and restless while the mono is making me sleepy.  It makes for some interesting dreams.  Also, some interesting sleeping positions.  I’ll be in the middle of wiggling out some restlessness, and BOOM! I’m asleep.  Then, I wake up laying sideways across the bed, wondering where the hell I’m at because the Nyquil/Benadryl/Clonazepam concoction has made my brain unable to recognize my own bedroom at a funny angle. 

Basically, I should just put myself under quarantine and put away any chemical that is intended for anybody above three.  Hey, at least I can use regular toothpaste!  That is, if the toothpaste didn’t hurt my darned throat.

Well, I guess that is enough of a rant for tonight, my night time mix is starting to kick in and I’m starting to smell colors, so, that is my cue to crawl into bed and curl up into a fetal position.


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