I’ve been kinda’ emotional the last few days. No clue why. I watched High School Musical 2 and cried. I mean, seriously, come on…
So, last night I am browsing Amazon because I’m sad and I wanted to buy something to cheer me up. (I should not have Amazon on my phone, it is dangerous) I found a pirate turtle fuzzy thing. It is adorable and that should have been the end of that.
For some reason, I saw a random stuffed monkey and fondly remembered a monkey that I had when I was a kid. I named him Rainforest because my Nana bought him for me at Rainforest Café (I know, real original). It suddenly dawned on me that I had no idea what happened to him. He wasn’t in my boxes of stuffed animals in storage (I refuse to get rid of my favorites! Don’t judge!). I didn’t remember getting rid of him. Where was he? Then, the anxiety started. I needed a new Rainforest. It couldn’t just be another monkey, it HAD to be the same stuffed animal, or at least the same type. No modern monkey was going to do. What year did I get it? About 5,000 amazon hits later, I was about to give up hope. There was no more monkey Rainforest. Finally, I searched various stuffed animal company websites (because I knew he was a popular brand), and found out he was a retired TY stuffed animal. He was put out in 1993, was 24″ tall, and was named Josh. He was on Ebay for bidding at $35 or “Buy It Now” for $50. Until I saw his picture, I was almost hysterical. I was crying and irrationally upset that I had no idea where this monkey had went. At one point in my life, he had been a major player in my life. How could I just not know what happened to him? I owed him something! Please, remember, we are talking about a stuffed monkey. I have about 10 stuffed animals in my closet that I keep close because they are important to me. I won’t apologize for that, but last night I was insanely hysterical over a monkey that I had not thought about in probably close to a decade. I had the money, I could have bought “Josh”.
Despite my insanity, there was a small voice in the back of my head, warning me that I would regret spending $50 on a used monkey stuffed animal. The voice reminded me that we have expensive plans for hubby’s 30th birthday. The voice reminded me that this was not MY Rainforest, just a random monkey that looked like him. The voice made me compromise with myself that if when I got home from work today, that if I still wanted him, I would buy him.
The logical side won out.
Josh is still for sale on Ebay.
I am going through my stuffed animals this weekend. I need to figure out why the thought of having “abandoned” Rainforest caused me to lose my sanity.
My heart still feels a little broken, because I still don’t know what happened to him. He was a good monkey, and as an only child, my stuffed animals were my best friends and often my shields against social pressures.
But, I didn’t give into my irrationality. I stayed strong.
That is big for me.
I’m still emotional, but I don’t think that replacing this monkey will have helped.
However, I am very excited about my pirate turtle. I will probably post pics 🙂
Being me, being inside my head, is exhausting. It sometimes feels like I am fighting myself at every turn.
But, at least I will have a pirate turtle.