Due to my ill planning, I went 2 mornings without my anti-depressants.
It really puts my “progress” into perspective. Or maybe, it takes it completely out of perspective and puts it back in my depressed, paranoid, escapist, mind frame.
Basically, I feel icky.
Better word? Emotional, sappy, drained, exhausted, weepy, hungry, unmotivated, sad, irritable, sleepy….I could really keep going. I want to be asleep and not in my own brain. I want to eat pasta, things that are deep fried with lots of cheese, and even more bacon. I want fluffy pj pants, an AC on full force, a fuzzy blanket, and lots of pillows. I want to be able to think logically again.
I want my stupid pills to kick in. I want to want to do things. I want to feel like I have made some sort of progress in the last 4 years. Right now, I don’t. Right now, my chemicals hate me. It’s my fault, and in a couple days, I’ll be back to normal, or on my way to my normal.
It just sucks that I am so dependent on my meds. I hate it. Time to call my psychiatrist.
In the mean time, I am going to put my contacts in, put some make up on, get my kid dressed, and walk next door to my sister’s new apartment and be a big sister.
I am also going to cry over Star Trek Deep Space 9, because that is where I am right now. I am watching Space Trek and sobbing. “Our baby would have been so beautiful”…as she dies….lovely. Thank you, so much 90’s sci-fi drama. You are actively working against my happy pills to make me cry. Yet, I can’t turn away. Poor Warf…