Irrational and Maybe a Bit Crazy

Last night I was feeling all out of sorts after my computer started having problems.  Thankfully, I figured out how to post my assignment for school today and have a warranty on my computer.  I felt trapped, like I wanted to go jump in a lake for no reason.

Today, I felt exhausted.  I did not get anything done this morning.  At all.  I kept my kid from taking over the world, which isn’t so hard when she can’t figure out how to open the outside door of our apartment building.

I’m sitting on the couch, still in my pj’s, watching CSI: Miami with hubby and there was a slightly emotional episode.  I started sobbing hysterically.  I was going into hysterics.  I was actually hyperventilating and couldn’t catch my breath.  I jumped up and ran into my hidey-hole, pushing past my husband and shutting the door on myself.  I started sobbing again, finally catching my breath, and did some breathing exercises to calm down.  I was no longer sobbing, but I was quietly crying with tears streaming down my face.

Ty came in and knocked on my hidey hole door.  I opened it.  He asked if I needed to talk and demanded to know why I was crying.  I told him it started with CSI and spiraled out of control.  It was completely irrational.  No reason to cry at all. 

I’m calmed down now, but I am completely drained.  The adrenaline rush that accompanied this breakdown completely emptied me of energy. 

I felt like I was going crazy.  It felt like I should probably be rushed to the hospital and administered strong anti-psychotic drugs.  I know I wasn’t having a psychotic break, in hindsight.  It just felt like I was losing control and my mind.

I still have no clue why.  Maybe I am going crazy….


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