I haven’t posted in a bit.
I have been thinking and working on my brain and thought processes.
I have been doing group therapy, one on one therapy, being that “needy” friend, doing workbooks (I have about 3 that I am actively working on), and constantly trying to examine how I am reacting to a situation.
I’ve kept a lot of it to myself because I do not know what is working yet. I’ve thrown so many new things at my psyche that I guess at least one of them was bound to stick and make a difference. I just can’t tell through the mass of things that I am doing which one (s) are/is helping.
Here is the thing: I am going to keep doing it all until I figure it out. Sitting by and passively letting the doctors tell me what to do wasn’t working. I wasn’t an active participant. Now I am. In fact, I may be over doing it, but I’d rather crash from trying too hard than to just burn out on the ground.
It sucks. I spend 2-3 days a week doing therapy with other people, and 5-7 days a week doing my own personal research and writing and whatnot. It is mentally exhausting. I am trying to relearn all of my coping mechanisms. I don’t even know if I am succeeding. I am still having anxiety, I still want to go bury my head in the sand about a lot of things. But, in about 3 hours, I will be hitting 30 days without a drink again. That is something, if I can keep it going.
See? I still ramble. I still drink too much caffeine. I still have optimism, sometimes too much.
So, thank you for your patience with me.
Btw, so to add a funny, I got Snapchat recently. I love it. Add me: lildefective
Anywho, I get a random snap from a random screen name and it is a picture of a guy’s eyebrows with the words “I want to cuddle”. I had no idea who the hell this was, so I sent him a picture of me cuddling with my stuffed hedgehog, Ivan. He sends me back a black snap that says “That isn’t me”. I wrote back “No, it is a hedgehog”. Then, I started laughing. How absurd. He opened my last snap, but hasn’t replied. Oh, well. I am not a big fan of eye brows anyways.