Introspecting and Keeping It To Myself

I haven’t posted in a bit.

I have been thinking and working on my brain and thought processes.

I have been doing group therapy, one on one therapy, being that “needy” friend, doing workbooks (I have about 3 that I am actively working on), and constantly trying to examine how I am reacting to a situation.

I’ve kept a lot of it to myself because I do not know what is working yet. I’ve thrown so many new things at my psyche that I guess at least one of them was bound to stick and make a difference.  I just can’t tell through the mass of things that I am doing which one (s) are/is helping.

Here is the thing:  I am going to keep doing it all until I figure it out. Sitting by and passively letting the doctors tell me what to do wasn’t working.  I wasn’t an active participant.  Now I am.  In fact, I may be over doing it, but I’d rather crash from trying too hard than to just burn out on the ground.

It sucks.  I spend 2-3 days a week doing therapy with other people, and 5-7 days a week doing my own personal research and writing and whatnot.  It is mentally exhausting.  I am trying to relearn all of my coping mechanisms.  I don’t even know if I am succeeding.  I am still having anxiety, I still want to go bury my head in the sand about a lot of things.  But, in about 3 hours, I will be hitting 30 days without a drink again.  That is something, if I can keep it going.

See?  I still ramble.  I still drink too much caffeine.  I still have optimism, sometimes too much.

So, thank you for your patience with me.

Btw, so to add a funny, I got Snapchat recently.  I love it.  Add me: lildefective

Anywho, I get a random snap from a random screen name and it is a picture of a guy’s eyebrows with the words “I want to cuddle”.  I had no idea who the hell this was, so I sent him a picture of me cuddling with my stuffed hedgehog, Ivan.  He sends me back a black snap that says “That isn’t me”.  I wrote back “No, it is a hedgehog”.  Then, I started laughing.  How absurd.   He opened my last snap, but hasn’t replied.  Oh, well.  I am not a big fan of eye brows anyways.


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