Not Good, But Not Bad

It was my first sober Halloween.

I made it through.  I didn’t have any emotional issues until this morning.  I felt drained.  It was like all of my motivation and desire to try had been sapped out of me.

I will admit it, I hid in my closet for a bit.  Granted, I have it cleaned out for just such occasions.  There are a ton of pillows, blankets, stuffed animals, lights, and some decorations.  It is my last-ditch-effort-to-pull-myself-together place.

After lots of tears and internal debates, I climbed out and did some writing.

I still feel like I got ran over by a truck and my emotional state is a bunch of open nerves, but I am awake with pants on. I have plans to clean a few rooms in my place, and am trying to give myself some slack while the hubby watches football.

I think I am going to lay down, then get up and make some espresso and clean.

Even though I don’t feel wonderful, I do feel kinda’ proud of myself.

Small steps…

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