Since my husband and I decided that I have recovered enough from my horrible crash at rock bottom to have our daughter alone, I have had her 2 days a week, have 2-3 days a week alone, and have 3-4 days a week doing family things.
It has worked out wonderfully. I have time to focus on other things like my recovery, cleaning, and just being myself.
This week, because of a couple scheduling issues, I have a single day to myself, and today is it. I could run around like crazy cleaning and catching up on stuff. In reality my mind is telling me that is what I “should be doing”, or what I “must do in order to be considered a productive member of this family and society”. I call this, bear with the terrible pun, “musturbating”. It feeds my depression, self-esteem issues, hinders my recovery, and overall makes me feel like crap. It simply isn’t healthy. Now, to clarify, my apartment is messy, and there is a load of dishes in the sink. So what? It isn’t filthy and it is suitable for living in, even if the clutter bugs me.
Let’s face it. I have a huge thing coming up. A job interview in my fucking field! Excuse the language, but it is still boggling my mind. It is a good stress, but still stressful and could turn into a very bad stressful situation if I feed the anxiety/depression/low self-esteem monster.
Let’s pretend I have something physically wrong with me. Let’s say really bad arthritis, but I have been doing exercises to help alleviate pain and I have been offered a place in some sort of physical activity show that was part of my career dream. Would I be judged for taking a day off any physically demanding tasks, or even just relaxing a day before said show? No, I wouldn’t. It would be considered acceptable and I probably wouldn’t beat myself up over it.
Well, having a mental illness is just as real as having something physically wrong. For me, there is just a lot more guilt and misunderstanding when I need to take a day a week, or a day before or after a stressful situation to take care of my mental health.
Today, I need a day off of expectations, stress, and guilt. I need to enjoy the fact that I have a job interview without turning it into a bad situation, or berating myself because I may or may not get around to those dishes.
Here are my goals for today:
*meditate upside down
*mindlessly enjoy the drama of fictional witches on Netflix
*maybe read some
*not wear pants
*stare at a cake recipe until I decide whether or not I want to make it
*probably make dinner later
*take a bath
*enjoy the air conditioner
*do a couple DBT exercises to help with negative thoughts I have about the job interview
*give my face a day off from make up
*Don’t weigh myself, but still stick to my healthier eating plan
This stuff is important for my health. It may seem silly, or even lazy, but trust me, it is helping strengthen me, and maybe in the future I will need less of these days because I learned how to cope better. Until then, I am refusing to feel guilty because I need days like this.
Hey! You! Do you need a mental health day? Maybe just a day to unwind, an afternoon, a morning, anything that you can focus on your mental health, coping skills, and yourself? Don’t feel guilty. In fact, applaud yourself for having the strength to move past the guilt and do something that you might desperately need. Relax pantsless, read a book, binge some Netflix, meditate, do that hobby that you’ve been ignoring, do nothing….do whatever makes you feel happier. Trust me, you will be a better person tomorrow for you off day today!
What do you do to give yourself some relax time? If you had a day that no expectations were placed on you, what would you do? What are you going to do to make this a reality?