I was so excited. I was going to get to hear my favorite author/blogger read her book, do some Q&A’s, and then get her to sign my copy of her book! I couldn’t decide what to wear, I couldn’t decide if I was going to try to ask a question or not….
Well, drove up to Milwaukee with my aunt, we got there about a half hour before the reading was supposed to start, but we still ended up standing. No biggie. I was so excited. Well, it started filling up and I was surrounded by people. It got warm. I could feel the familiar feelings of an anxiety attack starting. I did deep breaths, fidgeted with my Zelf (tiny troll-like doll) that I keep in my purse for that exact reason…. None of it worked. I ended up running into the Starbuck’s bathroom and throwing up, calling my husband panicking, and splashing water on my face. It felt like I was going to die. I made it through the rest of the Q&A session, didn’t ask a question, and then decided to skip the lines for the autograph and go home. Granted, there was an offer to “skip the line if absolutely necessary” for everyone, but my anxiety wouldn’t even let me do that.
It was super awesome even being in the same room as my hero, though, and I am glad that I went. I have spent the rest of the week recovering. I hadn’t had that terrible of an anxiety attack in a long time. It sucked. Lots of naps, baths, snuggles, and giving myself a break. Still not feeling as good as I did last week, which sucks because it is Halloween weekend, and there are things that I desperately want to do and enjoy. Honestly, dressing up like a unicorn for Trick Or Treating even sounds exhausting. Hell, doing the dishes sounds overwhelming.
Oh, well, just keep swimming, just keep swimming…