Night Time Thoughts and Day Time Reality

As I was falling asleep last night, I kept coming up with awesome ways to put the story of my life into words.  I probably wrote close to 2 chapters in my head.  This morning, the ideas were gone.  Poof.

So, I haven’t been writing much.  I’ve been on a roller coaster of highs and lows.  I’ve had a few days that I struggled with my addiction, and I have had a few surprise adventures that have whisked me away from real life to help me cope.

I have spent at least 1 night a weekend in a hotel for the last month.  Life is slowing down now, though, so reality is crashing back in.

I am doing a bunch of group therapy at my local community center, and even leading a few groups!  Hoping the routine and socialization will help keep me stable.

We are still working on the process of getting a house.

I just read “Girl In Need of a Tourniquet: Memoir of a Borderline Personality” by Merri Lisa Johnson.  So far, it is my favorite BPD book I have read.  It resonated on so many levels.  The disjointed writing let me think that maybe one day, I will be able to write a book on my experiences in a way that speaks to people who have had similar experiences.

Here is what is hardest to explain.

I chose hell again and again.

– Merri Lisa Johnson

That quote almost made me cry.  I’m not the only one!  If you have BPD, check it out, I highly recommend it.

Part of my new BA’s (behavioral activation, part of DBT) is to write 2 blogs a week.  Hopefully, I will be writing more!

Signing off for now.  I am off to combat the clutter monster that has invaded my home.


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