SO MUCH!

In the last 3 weeks, I have gotten out of a rehabilitation facility, gotten a new apartment, completely switched lifestyles, gotten 2 new kitties, and sprained my ankle.

My husband quit his job to follow his dream.  In those 3 weeks, he has come up with a custom product, has inventory (minimal, but building), has a website and etsy shop, and taken steps towards being an online retailer for one of the biggest dart companies.  I’m super proud of him, in spite of how all of the changes make me feel.

This all meant he needed an office, so we got a new apartment.  We are still in the process of moving, so things aren’t quite settled, yet. Also, a lot of the stability that a 9-5 job with benefits gave us, was suddenly gone.

Here’s the thing:  I absolutely hate change.  I don’t do well with it.  It supercharges my anxiety and gives my depression steroids.  Especially this much in such a short time.

I’m dealing.  I understand that this could be an amazing new direction my life is taking and we have taken a lot of steps to negate the negative sides of the changes.  I understand that my husband following his dreams gives me and Whimzy inspiration to follow our dreams.

I just is SO MUCH!  I think I’m doing pretty well.  No break downs or actual panic attacks.  I’m managing to stay positive, for the most part.

As I’m writing, I realize how un-confident I sound in myself.  To be honest, that scares me because it is hard to sound more confident without outright lying.  I’m confident in my husband and his ability to make his end work or go back to work in case it doesn’t work fast enough; I’m confident in Whimzy’s ability to adapt and thrive; I’m just not confident in myself and my ability to continue my routine and my plans while changing everything else.I know that good plans lay in their ability to adapt, but adapting has never been my strong suit.

I started out writing this blog in a way to inform my readers what was going on in my life.  Now, it has turned into a look at what is really going on in my brain.  I am going to use this new information and make myself stronger, that is one thing that I am good at: surviving, even when I don’t want to, and right now, I want to.  I want to make this the amazing thing that it could be. I want to be part of what makes this amazing, not the dead weight that gets dragged along.  That might not be how the people around me see me, but it is definitely how I see myself…sometimes.

New post coming on how I am going to move forward and keep my sanity intact.

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