For me, it is hard to write when I am in a dark place. I get self conscious about how I sound and how people will judge me. I never want to come off as a pity-party or make somebody call the cops because I seem suicidal.
Well, it has been a full week in an up mood! I got my hair dyed, started the process for getting my Master’s degree, had some awesome time with my girls, and booked a vacation for my lil girl’s birthday!
I’ve also been doing pretty well with cleaning. Still trying to declutter, but that is a process.
For me, during those dark times, nothing seems to help. I can go through all of my DBT tools, and sometimes they just don’t help. My BPD makes me impulsive to get out of the mood as fast as I can, so crave alcohol. The urges to do something self destructive are insanely strong. I isolated, but my husband wouldn’t let me for very long. I was moody, irritable, and generally horrible to be around. I slept longer than I should have, but in my mind, that is better than being suicidal or drinking. Gotta work on that.
I started a new routine this morning with my medications and it seems to be helping me get going in the morning! I am not a morning person by nature. My husband drives me nuts when he is all energized and crazy in the morning.
Overall, I guess I just want to say that no matter how bad it seems, don’t give in! It will get better! I was ready to give up 2 weeks ago, and now I have so much to be happy about.
You are worth fighting for, even if you don’t feel like it at the moment.