It has been an unbearably long almost 2 months. On September 8th, my mom was given a week to live. She lasted until October 18th. That month and 10 days was ridiculous. I hardly did anything, went anywhere, and ALWAYS had my phone on me, just in case. Every vibration from it had me jumping with my heart in my throat.
She was in a lot of pain. I cried sitting next to her while she asked me to help her die. I watched her sleep and made sure her chest was moving every few minutes.
And I waited.
She perked up for about a week. I could talk to my mom! She was more lucid that she had been in years. I will forever treasure that time because those would be the last times I got to talk to her.
Then her health started declining again. I knew it was only a matter of time.
She went peacefully with me 2 minutes away, on my way to be with her. She wasn’t in pain anymore or fighting a losing battle. The struggle with MS had lasted 38 years. It was time for her to be done.
The memorial and service were amazing. We lucked out and got an amazing pastor from a local church to come. He brought Whimzy a stuffed tiger before the service to hug and think of Nana (it was her favorite animal).
I did thank you notes with my wonderful aunt who was with me every step of the way. I ate chicken from a friend’s wedding who showed up and made sure I was okay. I was surprised by my Dad who drove down and stood by me despite the fact that it was his ex wife. I held hands with my uncle when we both needed it. I explained to Whimzy what had happened. I leaned on Ty when I needed it. I had friends who had never met my mom show up for the memorial. I had a great-aunt who showed me true altruism.
I miss her. We are house-hunting, and I saw a house with a ramp on it. My immediate thought was “My mom could come see my house!”. It brought my mood down to realize I would never be able to share any more milestones with her.
And as I write this, I am truly crying for the first time since she went. I guess it just kinda’ hit me as I wrote it all out.
This post is about healing, not dogma, so I don’t know what her spirit did after this, but I have to hope that her energy is doing something amazing right now. You can never destroy matter or energy. That is strangely comforting to know.