I spent the weekend out of town with some girl friends. I was ridiculously anxious and spent most of the night before trying to convince my husband to let me stay home. He never caved and I ended up in a car with 2 of my besties on my way out.
I have to admit, once I got in the car I calmed down quite a bit.
I had an amazing time. I laughed until my stomach hurt, learned more about my friends, scrapbooked, shopped, ate, got a massage, sat in a hot tub, and hit my step goal two of the three days.
Oh, and I had Sonic for the first time! I wasn’t all that impressed. Disappointment.
I kinda’ wish I could’ve stayed in that mood for forever. Unfortunately, I think I used up all of my feel-good chemicals and now my depression is acting up.
Now, I am going off to surgery tomorrow to get baby making parts removed. Sigh. The weekend was awesome, but the week isn’t going so well.
But, hey, I got over my fear and went on an adventure! I’m proud of myself.
The title is a lie. I am almost frozen with being overwhelmed. Key word: almost.
We are moving to a bigger apartment, which puts the house idea on hold, and my husband is starting his own business. Basically, we are moving so he can have an office and have more space.
This is a lot of change in a pretty shore amount of time. Anybody who knows me knows that I don’t do change well.
Here’s the thing: I had a completely predictable and stable life and I caused crisis’s. Switching things up could be the thing that keeps me on my toes and away from self-destruction.
So, I am taking another load over to the new apartment and waiting for our new bed to be delivered.
As I was falling asleep last night, I kept coming up with awesome ways to put the story of my life into words. I probably wrote close to 2 chapters in my head. This morning, the ideas were gone. Poof.
So, I haven’t been writing much. I’ve been on a roller coaster of highs and lows. I’ve had a few days that I struggled with my addiction, and I have had a few surprise adventures that have whisked me away from real life to help me cope.
I have spent at least 1 night a weekend in a hotel for the last month. Life is slowing down now, though, so reality is crashing back in.
I am doing a bunch of group therapy at my local community center, and even leading a few groups! Hoping the routine and socialization will help keep me stable.
We are still working on the process of getting a house.
I just read “Girl In Need of a Tourniquet: Memoir of a Borderline Personality” by Merri Lisa Johnson. So far, it is my favorite BPD book I have read. It resonated on so many levels. The disjointed writing let me think that maybe one day, I will be able to write a book on my experiences in a way that speaks to people who have had similar experiences.
Here is what is hardest to explain.
I chose hell again and again.
– Merri Lisa Johnson
That quote almost made me cry. I’m not the only one! If you have BPD, check it out, I highly recommend it.
Part of my new BA’s (behavioral activation, part of DBT) is to write 2 blogs a week. Hopefully, I will be writing more!
Signing off for now. I am off to combat the clutter monster that has invaded my home.
That is how awesome it was! I got to touch John Barrowman!
Here is the thing about comic cons, it is a wonderful community. I met some amazing people and got some amazing stories!
I bought books directly from authors, bought an alpaca dressed like Matt Smith, dressed like a Tardis, and I kissed my hubby in a Tardis. It was wonderful.
I just got home and am exhausted. Once I have some time to do some research, I will post info about the authors I met and how awesome they are.
Sorry I haven’t written in awhile. I’ll be completely honest. I’ve been very distracted. By two things: a Happy Planner and Pokemon.
I found this awesome subculture of people who decorate planners. I’ve joined this subculture and have spent hours decorating my new planner. It is helping me stay on track.
Pokemon. Period. Just Pokemon. I spent almost 3 hours down by Lake Michigan (downtown Kenosha, WI) where at least 500 people congregate on a regular basis to take advantage of the numerous pokestops and random rare pokemon that show up. No fights, no rudeness. Just a bunch of people catching fictional characters. It is hilarious. One person will yell and everybody will go running. I find it inspirational that something so innocent can bring people together.
And honestly, my apartment is messy, and there are probably more “important/adulty” things, but I had a good time and made memories.
I’ll clean tomorrow. I promise.
I had a wonderful day today. We ran some errands in the morning, then hung out and explored my downtown with hubby’s cousin and her kids.
It should have been zero-stress.
The problem with my brain is that it totally had stress. I was really self-conscious the entire time, the heat made my anxiety act up, and I was hyper aware of the pain in my foot.
So, now I am home, curled up in pj’s, sitting in front of the AC, and I am exhausted. It isn’t even 7 o’clock, and I could totally go to sleep.
It still was a good day, which is something that I don’t think I could have said a year ago with the brain stuff I had going on, but it took A LOT out of me to keep going and enjoy it. So, I am going to lay down and watch the movie the family is watching, or maybe grab a book and do some reading. Something nice and relaxing, and then head to bed earlyish because I am getting up with Whimzy in the morning.
Today was a victory, despite the problem with my brain.
A big goal of my little family’s is to have adventures. We want to live life, experience new things, learn more, and enjoy the things around us.
We have a ton of big things planned for this summer that I’ll write about when they happen, but today is the first official full day of no-school summer! We have to do something!
We are going to our local museums, getting ice cream, riding the trolley, and doing it all with family that we don’t see often. We’ve done it all before, but doing it with different people will shake it up a bit!
Adventure on, my loves!
Any fun plans this summer? Any adventures?
I know! I am a blog writing machine today! #2 blog of the day! YAY!
Well, we did what the book said, kinda’.
We didn’t plan a camping trip and Ty had to work, so we took out Whimzy’s monkey tent and played in there for a bit! Totally awesome! Definitely feeling a little bit happier. Thank you Mr. Epstein! There will probably be many more parts to this series!
The title of this is a book I picked up at a used bookstore. It has an action to do every day of the year. Once in a while, I grab it and see what it says to do. Occasionally, when I have time or the motivation, I do it. Once it told us to have a picnic, so we packed up and had a picnic at a park.
Since our goal as a family is to have adventures, this book seems perfect and it helps me out of my comfort zone and become more comfortable with testing the boundaries my mental illnesses set for me.
Today, it told us to go throw rocks in a pond. Well, we didn’t have a pond, but we do have one of the biggest lakes in the world less than 5 minutes away. Lake Michigan. Despite it being foggy and a little brisk, we did it. Check out the pics!
It really helps me come out of my shell and helps our reach our adventure goals. I am so appreciative of my family for supporting me.
Also, my hubby almost hit a seagull with a rock. If he hit it, I’d have a pet seagull.
No, not really. lol
I have this book called “How To Be Happier Day By Day: A Year of Mindful Actions” by Alan Epstein, Ph.D.
It has every day of the year and an activity or action to do on every day. Today, it told me to have a picnic. So….we had a picnic. I don’t always listen to books when they tell me to do something, but when I do, there is usually food involved.
Tomorrow it is telling me to spend the entire day reading a book. I might listen tomorrow, too…