Rejection, Cognitive Distortions, and Moving Forward

Well, I didn’t get into Rutger’s.  I am super disappointed and there is a war going on in my head to stay healthy while dealing with the rejection.  On one hand, I feel this is a personal rejection, like they rejected me on a personal level, me as a person.

This is called a cognitive distortion, specifically, personalization.  Personalization is, as psych central defines it, “is where a person believes that everything others say and do is some sort of direct, personal reaction to the person”.  (For the full article, visit here! It is an excellent article on psych central that explains 15 common cognitive distortions.)

I could go into wise mind, but I am going to just keep it simple.   I need to make my emotions, feeling personally rejected, and my logic, that it is not personal and I still have more options, align together.  It is difficult, and it is something that I struggle with quite a bit.

So I am going to move forward.   I plan on applying to more schools within a month or 2, but for right now I am going to focus on the Rally for Recovery (check out the FB page right here!) and finding a more fulfilling job.  I just set up 2 interviews for jobs that will bring me closer to my career goals.

Even if this sucks, I can deal with it without self-destructing.  I am getting better.  It is good news, disguised as bad news.


Application In!

I finished my application for Rutgers University’s online program this morning.  I got my essay finished this morning and submitted my full application this afternoon.  It is for their MSW online program. They will set up clinicals and everything for me once that time comes.

On one hand, I’m really excited.  It is about time I take this next step in my education and actually try to do something with my education.  On the other hand, I am freaking nervous.  I need 3,000 hours of clinicals.  That is 2 years worth of work.  I have issues holding a job, so how am I going to do clinicals?  I am trying to be positive, but it is hard with my track record with employment.  I guess it is something to work on with my future therapist and case management team.  I know that I can help people, because of my own experiences both current and past, so this is my attempt to do that.

I’ll keep you updated!

Anybody go through schooling, especially clinical work,  with mental health issues?  How did you cope?  Tell me your stories!

Grad Schools, Alpacas, and Crocheting

I just started applications at two schools for my master’s degree.


My heart is racing and I feel like I might be actually moving forward in some part of my life.

The one program includes two 6 day residencies out of state. What?!?  Plus internships.  I can feel myself getting anxious, but excited at the same time.

Getting my bachelor’s didn’t give me the feeling that I thought I would get from it.  Maybe once I am actually helping people and working in my field.  I have a job application that I will be working on this week, also. It is only part time, but it will give me some feeling of productivity and experience in my field.

*deep breath*

This is just one more step to having multiple degrees and being a reclusive alpaca famer scholar.  After this degree?  Obviously a degree on something related to alpacas.

If I had an alpaca right now, I’d be cuddling him and binge watching NCIS.  Probably crocheting, too.

On side note, I really want to learn how to crochet.  Anybody willing to help?